Posts tagged love

Ask Lucy: Loving Yourself

Ask Lucy: Loving Yourself

This week I’m covering a topic that one of my friends asked me to write about. She wanted me to write about loving yourself. This can mean different things and it will certainly vary for everyone.

Have you ever noticed putting everyone else first and neglecting yourself in the process? There are times when you must put others before you. Then there are times that you have to take some time to love yourself too.

Although as women we mean well it’s easy to forget that we are important too. We are the doers, the multi-taskers and the wonder women of the world. We chase the clock and try to squeeze all that we can into the twenty-four hours that we are given.

Any self-care moments we might grab on the go or forget all together. Obligations can lead to getting a busy schedule instead of a schedule that is meaningful.

How do you love yourself?

It is a question that deserves an answer. First, figure out why you might not be loving yourself the way that you deserve. Does it make you feel guilty if you do things that make you happy? It doesn’t make you selfish if that is what comes to mind first.

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Ask Lucy: How Do I Get Him To Notice Me Again?

This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Alexis.

“I have been married to my husband for many years and we have two teen children. We both work and find it difficult to make time as a couple. Actually I suggest going out, but all I get in return are excuses that he is too busy with work. I’m not trying to be shallow, but I also stay fit with exercise to continue being attractive for him. How do I get him to notice me again and have him look at me the way that he did when he fell in love with me? I’m grateful for our marriage, but not feeling that he realizes I’m still sexy and need that time alone with him outside of our house.”

Ah! This is a good question! Being together in a marriage for so many years takes a lot of work. I know from my own experience. As couples we tend to get busier as our children get older.

Having a family to take care of and working full-time can seem overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that you both don’t still have the wow factor though. I bet he notices you more than you think. Marriage comes with its trials and tribulations.

Some men are awesome about letting their wife know how beautiful that she still is. Yet, there are others that don’t do that, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad people. These type of men have a different way of expressing how they feel.

Stop and think of all of the wonderful qualities that your husband possesses. What made you fall in love with him? Think back to the day that you felt those butterflies in your stomach.

Do you remember how that made you feel?

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Slowing Down Enough To Be Grateful

Ever wake up to a new day in a frenzy?

You immediately think of every task that you need to accomplish. I can promise you that there will always be laundry to do, dishes to wash or errands to run.

How do you find time to be grateful for the small things though?

You have to remember to be present in the moment. Ever have a conversation with someone and not remember anything that they said? Or picture that reversed.

When has that happened to you?

We live in a world where we are constantly in a hurry. To get to the next thing on our lists of things that should get done. When we live in this state of mind that is when we miss out on the small things.

The small things really aren’t all that little if you think about it. They are usually the moments that we encounter with those that we love. They are opportunities of happy living that can either fall in our lap or fall out of our grasp if we aren’t paying attention.

Chances where we can create meaningful memories. Think of your life as a scrapbook. Each space on the page can represent a special moment.

What do your pages look like?

Remember that your pages will include times that might not make you feel grateful. How do you put yourself in a place where you can express gratitude?

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Remembering Mom on Mother’s Day

Ever feel like you were the luckiest to have your mom as your best friend?

I read about this topic all of the time. Most of the time it has to do with younger kids and that a mom shouldn’t be your best friend. However, when you’re an adult as I am, then I cherish that additional title for my mom. She truly is my biggest fan.

You see without her where would I truly be today. In this very moment. Would I have the desire to pursue my dreams in the way that I have? To marry when I did and start a family too? I don’t think so.

My mom has been so influential and supportive all of my life. That is why I truly feel lucky. To have a relationship of such understanding and meaning with her.

Mothers have the pleasure of raising their children and guiding them each step of the way. It’s part of their role in helping us find our way. I’m forever grateful to her for that.

I hold many memories of my mom. She has this incredible sense of humor and she makes small talk wherever she goes. The gift of gab is her specialty and any stranger that she talks with will feel they have known her for a long time.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.

“My husband will be leaving soon for a job across the country. This job is a blessing, but my family is taking it hard. My family is really close and are used to spending time together. We have three wonderful kids. Two of them are making the transition from a teen to an adult and our youngest will be a senior soon. All of them have a special bond with their daddy. We’ve downloaded FaceTime apps and scheduled weekend visits. How can I help them and myself with this transition?”

This sounds like something that I can relate to. Before we moved to North Carolina our family went through this very thing. It can be a difficult time especially when you are so used to having your spouse and family together all of the time.

It sounds like you have set up some good ways to get through it. FaceTime and the weekend visits are going to benefit everyone. The main thing is keeping the communication line open.

With FaceTime it will be a way for your family and your spouse to feel connected to each other. Be sure to schedule your own one on one FaceTime with your spouse as well.

When we moved I didn’t have that kind of option, but I wish I would have been able to communicate this way with my spouse and I know our children would have loved that.

You want to remain supportive of your spouse taking this job. Remember that this will be hard on him as well. He has chosen to take a big leap to better himself and your family. It can be a time where there might be feelings of uncertainty.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the questions comes from Sally.

Is it normal not to know if you’re in love or not? I know it’s a silly question when you are older, but after being in love and in a marriage for 20+ years I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever have that “head over heels” feeling again and I may not ever get that back. Shame on me for saying it back and not knowing, but I know it’s just different. I have such a shield now with everyone that I have lost the closeness with my parents and sibling. I keep to myself, but do enjoy time with that special man in my life who has shown me how to laugh again.  I have read that it’s normal to shut people out after a divorce, but does a person ever open back up again? What are your thoughts?”

This is a difficult one to answer because your pain comes across so openly. That is what happens after you had such a long marriage. It is to be expected.

Sure you were so in love with your first marriage, but it doesn’t have to stop there. You are in the healing process after divorce. Each person is different.

There is no magic formula that will tell you when it is okay to fall in love again. The love that you shared with your ex-husband will always be special. You created a strong bond together.

For whatever your reasons were for divorcing it didn’t break that tie completely. You grew together for so many years and I bet some of those were truly wonderful years too.

When you share that kind of time together it won’t be that easy to feel like you can love again. Depending if your divorce was recent or not will also determine how you feel about love. It’s okay to question your feelings.

You may not know if you are in love or not because you are afraid to answer that question. Maybe the new guy in your life is a great companion that enjoys your company, adores you and makes you laugh.

If that was missing in your life before, then it would be easier for you to accept him in your life now.

Do you think you enjoy his attention and the fact that he makes you feel special again?

I can only imagine that it would be flattering to get that kind of attention after a divorce. You deserve to be treated like a queen. It is great that you enjoy each others company.

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.

“My husband left a really good job a couple of years ago to pursue another career. He hasn’t found that new career yet. I’ve been extremely supportive with him going back to school or trying different jobs. As long as he is happy is all that matters. Unfortunately, our bank account and bills do not share the same sentiment. How do I keep supporting his happiness with our financial challenges?”

That is a tough predicament to be in. One part of you wants to be the supportive spouse and the other part resents that you have to put up with most of the financial burden. It is okay to feel those type of emotions.

How much longer do you want to ride it out though?

Maybe now is the time to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse. Let him know that although you initially gave your support that now it is more of a burden on you.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t want him to find his dream career, but now it’s his turn to step up to the plate. Going after a dream career takes time. You both owe it to yourselves to find a way to compromise.

What about your dreams?

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Vanessa.

“What would cause a person to want to have a friendship with the opposite sex and is a friendship really what they are looking for?”

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. We all have them. There are some friendships that stem from childhood that we hold on to for dear life.

Most are with the same-sex and every so often some great friendships might be with the opposite sex. For myself mine have always been with my girlfriends.

Not all friendships with the opposite sex mean that it is something to be worried about. However, if you are married or in a committed relationship then it’s important to be respectful of your spouses feelings.

It doesn’t have anything to do with insecurities. I’ll use myself as an example. Here is my take on it.

I would not like my husband to have a close relationship with another female. I’m fairly certain he would feel the same way about me. It is about giving that kind of attention to each other not to someone else.

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Marriage Woes Demystified

Ever felt the need to talk about keeping the love alive in your marriage?

Love is an emotion that evokes bliss, awe, wonder and sometimes havoc in our lives. To define love would take a long time for some and yet for others be explained in such a short span of time.

Where are you at in your relationship with love?

Love can be complicated, but it can also be so wonderful. In the beginning, there is the infamous honeymoon stage. This is where you really want to impress each other.

It’s that comfy space where you feel safe. There is no room for insecurities here. This is the place where you feel like impressing the other person.

What comes after the engagement phase?

Ah, here is the promise to commit to one another in the future. You get even more comfortable. Excitement enters the air as you plan the next phase of your new life together.

I mean who wouldn’t get excited about something like that?

Then the big day arrives and you officially tie the knot. You’re married now. You start to live happily ever after.

Does it really happen like this?

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Ask Lucy

In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Sonia.

“Recently two friends have confided in me that they are thinking of getting a divorce. Both have been in a long marriage  (5-10+ years.) Although I am rooting for their marriage to get back on track; this does not help my fear of tying the knot myself. It is a conversation that has come up recently in my own relationship. I’m scared that I might say no because of this fear of divorcing like everyone that I know. What can I do to feel more secure about saying yes to marriage?”

Well first of all let me commend you for being that friend that offers support and positive feedback on this particular subject. Divorce is such a sensitive topic for so many people. It is a difficult time for those contemplating such a decision.

Often it is hard to even discuss with your friends for fear of what you might hear back on this subject. Don’t let what other people have gone through be an indicator of how marriage will turn out for you.

Remember that everyone has their own troubles and that you need to be clear on how you really feel about marriage in general. Keep in mind that just because the people in your life have gone through a divorce doesn’t mean that you will follow suit.

There are people who were meant to be married and also made the right decision in getting a divorce amicably. Sometimes there is an abuse in a relationship and all the more reason to end a marriage. When all else fails to restore a marriage, divorce can end up being the last resort.

All marriages go through various stages. There are up’s and there are also downs. It’s really a matter of being able to communicate from the very beginning.

Keep on having this conversation with your significant other. Be open to discussing your fears about getting married. The last thing that you want to do is to say no because you’re afraid.

The thought of marriage can seem scary. You wonder what it will be like or if you are truly ready. Commitment is a serious thing.

Think about what scares you about saying yes to marriage. Is it simply that the people who you love and care about have gone through a divorce or is there more to your fear?

Maybe you are afraid to say yes because you still like being in the current relationship as it is. It feels safe. Are you the one bringing up the subject of marriage or is it your significant other?

Write down all of your fears about getting married. What is the worst thing that can happen by saying yes and what is the best thing that could happen? Pour your heart out and then read through your list.

How do you feel after reading it? Does anything surprise you? You could ask your significant other to write a list also and then read each others concerns along with the good reasons why you should marry.

What do you want your marriage to look like?

Dig deep to see if it is rooted in love or something else. If you decide to say yes give it your best from the get go. Do it for each other.

It would be wonderful if your friends didn’t have such a difficult time in their life, but things happen. However, there are good things that come along with the bad. There might still be hope for them.

Your job is to evaluate where your true fear is coming from. It’s perfectly fine to be engaged for as long as you both decide to. Take your time deciding on this next chapter of your life.

Marriage is a big deal. That is why you need to ask each other if you are willing to commit for the long haul. For better and for worse. You can’t have one without the other.

Hopefully it will mostly be better for the both of you. This is your life so choose wisely. Your significant other is depending on you to be ready without any reservations.

If you decide to say yes do it for the right reasons. Marriage can be a wonderful experience if both parties are in it to stay committed to one another. It is true that both parties must work at a marriage, but it is worth it.

Have you been pondering over a question that you aren’t sure about? Need advice on it? If you would like to have your question featured on an upcoming “Ask Lucy” segment please email me at: hello@lulalucy.com