In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the questions comes from Sally.
Is it normal not to know if you’re in love or not? I know it’s a silly question when you are older, but after being in love and in a marriage for 20+ years I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever have that “head over heels” feeling again and I may not ever get that back. Shame on me for saying it back and not knowing, but I know it’s just different. I have such a shield now with everyone that I have lost the closeness with my parents and sibling. I keep to myself, but do enjoy time with that special man in my life who has shown me how to laugh again. I have read that it’s normal to shut people out after a divorce, but does a person ever open back up again? What are your thoughts?”
This is a difficult one to answer because your pain comes across so openly. That is what happens after you had such a long marriage. It is to be expected.
Sure you were so in love with your first marriage, but it doesn’t have to stop there. You are in the healing process after divorce. Each person is different.
There is no magic formula that will tell you when it is okay to fall in love again. The love that you shared with your ex-husband will always be special. You created a strong bond together.
For whatever your reasons were for divorcing it didn’t break that tie completely. You grew together for so many years and I bet some of those were truly wonderful years too.
When you share that kind of time together it won’t be that easy to feel like you can love again. Depending if your divorce was recent or not will also determine how you feel about love. It’s okay to question your feelings.
You may not know if you are in love or not because you are afraid to answer that question. Maybe the new guy in your life is a great companion that enjoys your company, adores you and makes you laugh.
If that was missing in your life before, then it would be easier for you to accept him in your life now.
Do you think you enjoy his attention and the fact that he makes you feel special again?
I can only imagine that it would be flattering to get that kind of attention after a divorce. You deserve to be treated like a queen. It is great that you enjoy each others company.