Ask Lucy: Loving Yourself
This week I’m covering a topic that one of my friends asked me to write about. She wanted me to write about loving yourself. This can mean different things and it will certainly vary for everyone.
Have you ever noticed putting everyone else first and neglecting yourself in the process? There are times when you must put others before you. Then there are times that you have to take some time to love yourself too.
Although as women we mean well it’s easy to forget that we are important too. We are the doers, the multi-taskers and the wonder women of the world. We chase the clock and try to squeeze all that we can into the twenty-four hours that we are given.
Any self-care moments we might grab on the go or forget all together. Obligations can lead to getting a busy schedule instead of a schedule that is meaningful.
How do you love yourself?
It is a question that deserves an answer. First, figure out why you might not be loving yourself the way that you deserve. Does it make you feel guilty if you do things that make you happy? It doesn’t make you selfish if that is what comes to mind first.
This weeks question comes from Natalie.
“I live a very busy life. I work full-time, have a family and feel as though I’m pulled in so many directions. How do I take the chaos out of my day-to-day and still stop to smell the roses?”
Being a busy mother with a full schedule can feel overwhelming at times. I can relate, but am blessed that our children our older and independent. However, as a mom you will always be needed. Not only as a mother, but also as a wife and friend.
Is it possible to find a healthy balance?
The answer is yes. Find out what is making you feel as if you can’t do it all. Identify the things that are causing you stress. I have found that it helps to delegate some duties to other members of my family. Whether it is my spouse or our children.
Find out what works best for you and your family. If you had the opportunity to stop and smell the roses what would you do?
Building Up Courage to Let Go
“This weeks question comes from Sonia.
F.E.A.R-How do you build up the courage to move on and let go?'”
That is a great question because we all face that at one time or another. It’s different for everyone. Fear keeps you from moving on because it causes you to face your biggest obstacle: you.
You are your own worst enemy when you decide to keep hitting the replay button on your issue. All the what ifs consume your thoughts. I have news for you. It doesn’t make you happy.
It is a time sucker and it will deplete you of your joy. You deserve to be happy instead of being burdened with whatever has a stronghold on your life.
Easier said than done right?
There is no magic formula with this. It all depends on how long you want to hold on to it. How many more hours do you want to give to your fear?
How Do I Get Out Of This Slump?
This weeks question comes from Kelly.
“I have been trying to be successful as an entrepreneur, but am having trouble staying motivated. I love what I do, but still feel like I’m not good enough. I see other people who are way more successful than I am. This makes me feel intimidated and makes me feel like going back to a 9-5 job. At least that is reliable. I have to admit I do feel like quitting. How do I get myself out of this slump?”
I would love to say that I can relate to all that you are saying, but I also have a current day job myself. I would enjoy being in your shoes, but I do know that it does come with a price.
Being an entrepeneur takes commitment, dedication, focus and sacrifice. Maybe you left your day job that provided a safety net and you pursued your calling.
First of all congratulations for taking the leap. That is a big deal! That takes a lot of guts. It sounds like you might be experiencing a little bit of imposter syndrome.
This is where you do not feel qualified to do what you are doing. When you start comparing yourself to others you fall victim to this. You perceive them as more successful and then start losing your worth in the process.
This week the question comes from Elena.
“Lately, I have been feeling overwhelmed with my day-to-day job. By the time I get home I feel too tired to do anything else after a stressful day. As much as I want to complete my life goals I find myself procrastinating. How do I stop procrastinating?”
How do I stop procrastinating?
It seems as if no matter how bad you want to complete your goals you find ways to put them off. At first you are headstrong in going after them. Then you manage to get on the hamster wheel.
Working at your day job gives me the impression that it isn’t your first choice. Having a job while pursuing your goals is common. If your goal is to get a different career then you have to put in the time now.
Think of your time after work as your motivation in accomplishing your goals. By looking at your time as an opportunity it changes your mindset.
Completing your goals takes discipline. Try focusing on being committed to dedicating time to your goals after work.
Find time to get active. It might mean getting up earlier and squeezing in a workout. If you would rather do it after work than that might mean sacrificing something else. Look at it as a trade-off for the greater good.
Incorporating fitness into your schedule will help you from feeling tired each day. It is about setting up your day for success.
Keep your goals visible.
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Alexis.
“I have been married to my husband for many years and we have two teen children. We both work and find it difficult to make time as a couple. Actually I suggest going out, but all I get in return are excuses that he is too busy with work. I’m not trying to be shallow, but I also stay fit with exercise to continue being attractive for him. How do I get him to notice me again and have him look at me the way that he did when he fell in love with me? I’m grateful for our marriage, but not feeling that he realizes I’m still sexy and need that time alone with him outside of our house.”
Ah! This is a good question! Being together in a marriage for so many years takes a lot of work. I know from my own experience. As couples we tend to get busier as our children get older.
Having a family to take care of and working full-time can seem overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that you both don’t still have the wow factor though. I bet he notices you more than you think. Marriage comes with its trials and tribulations.
Some men are awesome about letting their wife know how beautiful that she still is. Yet, there are others that don’t do that, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad people. These type of men have a different way of expressing how they feel.
Stop and think of all of the wonderful qualities that your husband possesses. What made you fall in love with him? Think back to the day that you felt those butterflies in your stomach.
Do you remember how that made you feel?
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Lori.
“I am a mother of two kids and work full-time. I’m also a wife, a friend and I am constantly doing stuff. I would love to start getting fit, but I do a lot of self-sabotaging. I’m tired of making excuses. I lack motivation and often wonder what I would look like if I had the body that I used to have before my beautiful children. I want to keep the spice alive as a wife, but am not sure where to go from here. My husband says that he loved me then and still loves me now. If I could start some kind of routine and diet I know that would boost my self-esteem. What can I do to get on the right track this time?”
First of all let me start by saying thank you for reaching out to me. It takes a lot of courage to bring up wanting to get fit and explaining what you have gone through. Your situation is so relatable to many.
I know it is tough when you work a full-time job plus have a family to take care of. Luckily our children are older and very independent. Don’t let that fool you though because you will always be needed. That’s not a bad thing either, I welcome it.
Start by making a list of the reasons why you want to get fit. What do you hope to gain from it? I’m not talking about pounds either. Think about the reasons why fitness would be good for you.
What would happen if you were to shed the weight and tone up?
I have found that your fitness journey is what you make of it. You can join any program, try any diet, watch a ton of videos on fitness, but in the end it is up to you.
You will always get advice on what to do and what not to do. If you work out diligently three times a week and then continue to eat the way that you’re used to guess what happens? You don’t see the results that you are looking for.
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Andrea.
“How do you break bad news to a good friend? It’s a friend that I’ve known for a long time. I’m unsure of whether I should be the one to do it or if I should turn the other cheek.”
Giving bad news to anyone is never easy. Especially to a good friend. I guess it would depend on the kind of bad news that you have to deliver. There are a few things that you have to consider.
Will giving the bad news hurt your relationship?
Is there a chance that your friend will blame you or get upset with you? Sometimes it is easier for another person to give the bad news. How will your friend benefit from being informed?
Depending on the nature of the bad news how do you think you will feel afterwards? If you will feel relieved and think that your friend will appreciate knowing sharing the news might be best.
Be strategic in your delivery. Depending on what kind of friend that you have will determine how you will deliver the news. There are some friends that might be able to handle bad news more easily than others.
Think about the types of friends that you have. You have those that are tough and can take it. There are those too that might feel shattered and lost once you tell them.
How would you handle bad news?
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Sonia.
“Growing up it was easier to make friends easily wherever that you went. As a grown up this has been a challenging thing for me. How do you make friends as a grown up?”
I love this question Sonia because I am all about making new friends. It was so much easier as a little kid to make friends. You see when you are a kid anything goes.
Go to any public park and watch kids from all walks of life play with each other. No judgements are being made most of the time. They interact with each other for the same reasons. To play with each other and have a good time while doing it.
Don’t you wish that were still the case as an adult?
As a grown up you have become seasoned to the world. You are more aware of what you do and don’t like in people. As adults you tend to be a bit more selective and cautious with people in general.
Are you a shy person or do you like to mingle and get to know people?
From your question, I’m going to guess that maybe you can be a little shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy. What are your interests as an adult? Do you have any children?
Think of the things that you like to do. What are your hobbies and interests outside of work or the home?
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Melissa.
“I have gone through some very hard times in my life recently. Things that made me feel like it was the end of the world. How do you get your old self back? You know the person that you used to be before things got ugly? I want so badly to put my hurt in the past.”
Life can get uncomfortable sometimes. There are times that it will take you for a spin and always when you aren’t ready for it. If you allow it to then it will take you to a very sad place.
Hard times are inevitable and unfortunately happen to everyone at some point in their life. There isn’t a cure-all remedy either. Depending on your situation will determine your course of action.Think about what started that awful moment or chain of events that gave you the painful time.
Wouldn’t it be nice to rewind time and have a do over?
It would be great to have an opportunity to erase that pain and exchange it for a moment that brought you happiness instead. Here is the thing about hurt you don’t have to hurt forever.
That is the good news. Being human you are expected to go through your emotions. Perhaps it made you angry, sad or brought you to tears. At the time I am sure it did not feel good, but you don’t have to live with it daily.
It is good to confide in a good friend or family member to get someone elses perspective. Maybe you are solely looking for someone to listen to you without judging. If that doesn’t help you consider going to your church or finding a therapist that can help you dig deeper.
Painful moments in life require a lot of tender loving care. Some moments are more painful than others.
Are you feeling guilty about this?