This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Alexis.
“I have been married to my husband for many years and we have two teen children. We both work and find it difficult to make time as a couple. Actually I suggest going out, but all I get in return are excuses that he is too busy with work. I’m not trying to be shallow, but I also stay fit with exercise to continue being attractive for him. How do I get him to notice me again and have him look at me the way that he did when he fell in love with me? I’m grateful for our marriage, but not feeling that he realizes I’m still sexy and need that time alone with him outside of our house.”
Ah! This is a good question! Being together in a marriage for so many years takes a lot of work. I know from my own experience. As couples we tend to get busier as our children get older.
Having a family to take care of and working full-time can seem overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that you both don’t still have the wow factor though. I bet he notices you more than you think. Marriage comes with its trials and tribulations.
Some men are awesome about letting their wife know how beautiful that she still is. Yet, there are others that don’t do that, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad people. These type of men have a different way of expressing how they feel.
Stop and think of all of the wonderful qualities that your husband possesses. What made you fall in love with him? Think back to the day that you felt those butterflies in your stomach.
Do you remember how that made you feel?
I bet that he remembers the same thing about you. All that you have to do is give him some subtle reminders to refresh his memory. Maybe he is the type of guy that shows his affection through the things that he does for you and your family.
In marriage it is easier to find the faults with each other instead of the more important things. Start thanking your husband for the things that he makes you happy with. Be genuine with your gratitude. Don’t expect anything in return.
When you stop trying to fix him you will start to realize that he wasn’t broken in the first place. Make it a point to do things for him and continue working out. When you do fitness do it for yourself. You are doing a lot for your peace of mind and health when you do that.
Do the little things that tend to get forgotten. When you are sitting on the couch together hold his hand, give a foot rub or a surprise kiss in the kitchen. Men are wired differently than women.
They want to provide for us and make sure that their families are being taken care of. Keep the faith that your husband still sees you the way that you want him to. Focus on being a giver. It may sound strange, but honestly it is a great way to see things improve for the better.
Also, remember to spend time with your children too. Focusing on all areas of your family helps to enhance your relationship with your husband. You have less time to focus on what you are not getting.
Going out on dates is a special time. It is fun to do, but focus on the little things first. Being angry about not going out on dates will cause both of you grief. Feelings get hurt and bitterness occurs along the way.
Communicating how you are feeling with your husband might help too. Do it in a way that doesn’t sound like you are complaining. Express it in a way that he might understand where you are coming from. Offer for him to share his feelings on things.
It’s hard to do at times, but when you communicate you get a better understanding. You may even come to a compromise or he will surprise you one of these days.
Marriage takes patience. Anything worth having is worth waiting for. Don’t give up hope because your new perspective will open up more meaningful times with your husband.
Be a giver, appreciate the little things and your husband will hopefully appreciate you more than you believe.
Be the woman that he desires both physically and emotionally. Keep that bond alive and stay connected on a daily basis. You will notice him falling more in love with the woman that he remembers marrying.
Remember that you are worth it. One day you will look back on this and be happy that you lived in the moment and the rest fell into place on its own. The way that it was supposed to.
How do you keep your relationship going strong?
Have you been pondering over a question that you aren’t sure about? Need advice on it? Submissions may be edited for clarity and your first name will be used unless you specify otherwise. If you would like to have your question featured on an upcoming “Ask Lucy” segment please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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