This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Alexis.
“I have been married to my husband for many years and we have two teen children. We both work and find it difficult to make time as a couple. Actually I suggest going out, but all I get in return are excuses that he is too busy with work. I’m not trying to be shallow, but I also stay fit with exercise to continue being attractive for him. How do I get him to notice me again and have him look at me the way that he did when he fell in love with me? I’m grateful for our marriage, but not feeling that he realizes I’m still sexy and need that time alone with him outside of our house.”
Ah! This is a good question! Being together in a marriage for so many years takes a lot of work. I know from my own experience. As couples we tend to get busier as our children get older.
Having a family to take care of and working full-time can seem overwhelming. It doesn’t mean that you both don’t still have the wow factor though. I bet he notices you more than you think. Marriage comes with its trials and tribulations.
Some men are awesome about letting their wife know how beautiful that she still is. Yet, there are others that don’t do that, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad people. These type of men have a different way of expressing how they feel.
Stop and think of all of the wonderful qualities that your husband possesses. What made you fall in love with him? Think back to the day that you felt those butterflies in your stomach.
Do you remember how that made you feel?
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Andrea.
“How do you break bad news to a good friend? It’s a friend that I’ve known for a long time. I’m unsure of whether I should be the one to do it or if I should turn the other cheek.”
Giving bad news to anyone is never easy. Especially to a good friend. I guess it would depend on the kind of bad news that you have to deliver. There are a few things that you have to consider.
Will giving the bad news hurt your relationship?
Is there a chance that your friend will blame you or get upset with you? Sometimes it is easier for another person to give the bad news. How will your friend benefit from being informed?
Depending on the nature of the bad news how do you think you will feel afterwards? If you will feel relieved and think that your friend will appreciate knowing sharing the news might be best.
Be strategic in your delivery. Depending on what kind of friend that you have will determine how you will deliver the news. There are some friends that might be able to handle bad news more easily than others.
Think about the types of friends that you have. You have those that are tough and can take it. There are those too that might feel shattered and lost once you tell them.
How would you handle bad news?
Ever wake up to a new day in a frenzy?
You immediately think of every task that you need to accomplish. I can promise you that there will always be laundry to do, dishes to wash or errands to run.
How do you find time to be grateful for the small things though?
You have to remember to be present in the moment. Ever have a conversation with someone and not remember anything that they said? Or picture that reversed.
When has that happened to you?
We live in a world where we are constantly in a hurry. To get to the next thing on our lists of things that should get done. When we live in this state of mind that is when we miss out on the small things.
The small things really aren’t all that little if you think about it. They are usually the moments that we encounter with those that we love. They are opportunities of happy living that can either fall in our lap or fall out of our grasp if we aren’t paying attention.
Chances where we can create meaningful memories. Think of your life as a scrapbook. Each space on the page can represent a special moment.
What do your pages look like?
Remember that your pages will include times that might not make you feel grateful. How do you put yourself in a place where you can express gratitude?
This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Sonia.
“Growing up it was easier to make friends easily wherever that you went. As a grown up this has been a challenging thing for me. How do you make friends as a grown up?”
I love this question Sonia because I am all about making new friends. It was so much easier as a little kid to make friends. You see when you are a kid anything goes.
Go to any public park and watch kids from all walks of life play with each other. No judgements are being made most of the time. They interact with each other for the same reasons. To play with each other and have a good time while doing it.
Don’t you wish that were still the case as an adult?
As a grown up you have become seasoned to the world. You are more aware of what you do and don’t like in people. As adults you tend to be a bit more selective and cautious with people in general.
Are you a shy person or do you like to mingle and get to know people?
From your question, I’m going to guess that maybe you can be a little shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy. What are your interests as an adult? Do you have any children?
Think of the things that you like to do. What are your hobbies and interests outside of work or the home?
Pretty soon the kids will be out for summer fun. Are you ready to have them continue learning throughout their time off? It is a great time to keep them engaged in learning if you prep ahead of time.
The local library was always a great way for my kids to read over the summer. They had the chance to participate in a summer contest and earn a trophy. If you were a kid and you wanted to win that trophy you ended up reading and fulfilling the required time that it took.
You see summer has its perks. There are plenty of learning opportunities if you find out what is available. Ask other moms to see where they have gone or plan on going to. If you live in an area close to museums look into that also.
Our hometown in Ohio happened to include the home of President Rutherford B. Hayes. It was great to be able to walk on the property and visit the museum there. A part of history that we were fortunate enough to learn about. Spiegel Grove as it is known will always hold some fond memories.
We live in an age of high technology. Technology is great, but disconnecting for a little bit is good too. Revert to the ways in how things used to be. Let your kids get outdoors and get dirty. Know the best times to include technology.
Ever feel like you were the luckiest to have your mom as your best friend?
I read about this topic all of the time. Most of the time it has to do with younger kids and that a mom shouldn’t be your best friend. However, when you’re an adult as I am, then I cherish that additional title for my mom. She truly is my biggest fan.
You see without her where would I truly be today. In this very moment. Would I have the desire to pursue my dreams in the way that I have? To marry when I did and start a family too? I don’t think so.
My mom has been so influential and supportive all of my life. That is why I truly feel lucky. To have a relationship of such understanding and meaning with her.
Mothers have the pleasure of raising their children and guiding them each step of the way. It’s part of their role in helping us find our way. I’m forever grateful to her for that.
I hold many memories of my mom. She has this incredible sense of humor and she makes small talk wherever she goes. The gift of gab is her specialty and any stranger that she talks with will feel they have known her for a long time.
Ever find yourself wishing for girl time with your friends?
If you are like me you have more than one best friend. We get so caught up in our daily routines that we neglect making time for our friends. Not on purpose, but because we lead busy lives.
Some of my most memorable times have been with my friends. Getting together with them always means having a good time and making new memories with each other. It’s a time where you can be yourself, talk about your dreams, goals, daily life, kids, family and so much more.
My friends have made it to my inner circle and are a part of my tribe. Your tribe consists of the friends that have your back no matter what. When your life falls apart they are there. When your life is going great they continue to lift you up.
It’s important for you to look at making time to hang out. Never rule out the power of a quick hello on the phone, but meeting in person helps a lot too.
How do you make the effort to get together then?
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Kaylee.
“I work a 9-5 job, I am a wife and mother of two boys ages 15 and 17. My job isn’t a tough job, but at the end of the day I find myself feeling tired. I am always running and trying to balance life in general with my family. What can I do to still be that stellar mom and wife, but find something for me at the same time? I want to feel like I can still do all of those things, but be happy doing something for myself that makes me happy too.”
This is a great question and it sounds like you are getting mom burnout. When you work full-time it adds to the daily stress of all of your daily responsibilities. As a mother and a wife you are wearing many hats.
I can relate to what you are experiencing. After I have worked all day I don’t always have the energy to start a meal when I get home. It’s easy to get so caught up in all that you have to do, feel unfulfilled and suffer from mom shame.
Who doesn’t want to be the perfect mother, wife or employee?
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Miranda.
“I consider myself a fairly outgoing person. I enjoy people and working in customer service. Spreading kindness is what I do. Unfortunately, I have an employee in the workplace that is more of a naysayer and loves to spread gossip and negativity. How do you handle someone who tends to suck the life out of your day?
I love this kind of question because it’s a common problem in the workplace. It’s a topic that always comes up no matter where you work at. There is always that one person that tries to steal the joy out of the air.
They are similar to a real life thief. The good news is that they may think they have control over you, but in reality they do not.
Of course it can be hard to handle the initial shock of their behavior. Especially when you end up being on the receiving end. Once in a while you may find out a persons true colors when they gossip to others about other employees.
It’s always a good idea to check your back. On occasion you will find the occasional knife stuck in your there.
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.
“My husband will be leaving soon for a job across the country. This job is a blessing, but my family is taking it hard. My family is really close and are used to spending time together. We have three wonderful kids. Two of them are making the transition from a teen to an adult and our youngest will be a senior soon. All of them have a special bond with their daddy. We’ve downloaded FaceTime apps and scheduled weekend visits. How can I help them and myself with this transition?”
This sounds like something that I can relate to. Before we moved to North Carolina our family went through this very thing. It can be a difficult time especially when you are so used to having your spouse and family together all of the time.
It sounds like you have set up some good ways to get through it. FaceTime and the weekend visits are going to benefit everyone. The main thing is keeping the communication line open.
With FaceTime it will be a way for your family and your spouse to feel connected to each other. Be sure to schedule your own one on one FaceTime with your spouse as well.
When we moved I didn’t have that kind of option, but I wish I would have been able to communicate this way with my spouse and I know our children would have loved that.
You want to remain supportive of your spouse taking this job. Remember that this will be hard on him as well. He has chosen to take a big leap to better himself and your family. It can be a time where there might be feelings of uncertainty.