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This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Lori.

“I am a mother of two kids and work full-time. I’m also a wife, a friend and I am constantly doing stuff. I would love to start getting fit, but I do a lot of self-sabotaging. I’m tired of making excuses. I lack motivation and often wonder what I would look like if I had the body that I used to have before my beautiful children. I want to keep the spice alive as a wife, but am not sure where to go from here. My husband says that he loved me then and still loves me now. If I could start some kind of routine and diet I know that would boost my self-esteem. What can I do to get on the right track this time?”

First of all let me start by saying thank you for reaching out to me. It takes a lot of courage to bring up wanting to get fit and explaining what you have gone through. Your situation is so relatable to many.

I know it is tough when you work a full-time job plus have a family to take care of. Luckily our children are older and very independent. Don’t let that fool you though because you will always be needed. That’s not a bad thing either, I welcome it.

Start by making a list of the reasons why you want to get fit. What do you hope to gain from it? I’m not talking about pounds either. Think about the reasons why fitness would be good for you.

What would happen if you were to shed the weight and tone up?

I have found that your fitness journey is what you make of it. You can join any program, try any diet, watch a ton of videos on fitness, but in the end it is up to you.

You will always get advice on what to do and what not to do. If you work out diligently three times a week and then continue to eat the way that you’re used to guess what happens? You don’t see the results that you are looking for.

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This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Andrea.

“How do you break bad news to a good friend? It’s a friend that I’ve known for a long time. I’m unsure of whether I should be the one to do it or if I should turn the other cheek.”

Giving bad news to anyone is never easy. Especially to a good friend. I guess it would depend on the kind of bad news that you have to deliver. There are a few things that you have to consider.

Will giving the bad news hurt your relationship?

Is there a chance that your friend will blame you or get upset with you? Sometimes it is easier for another person to give the bad news. How will your friend benefit from being informed?

Depending on the nature of the bad news how do you think you will feel afterwards? If you will feel relieved and think that your friend will appreciate knowing sharing the news might be best.

Be strategic in your delivery. Depending on what kind of friend that you have will determine how you will deliver the news. There are some friends that might be able to handle bad news more easily than others.

Think about the types of friends that you have. You have those that are tough and can take it. There are those too that might feel shattered and lost once you tell them.

How would you handle bad news?

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This week in Ask Lucy the question comes from Sonia.

“Growing up it was easier to make friends easily wherever that you went. As a grown up this has been a challenging thing for me. How do you make friends as a grown up?”

I love this question Sonia because I am all about making new friends. It was so much easier as a little kid to make friends. You see when you are a kid anything goes.

Go to any public park and watch kids from all walks of life play with each other. No judgements are being made most of the time. They interact with each other for the same reasons. To play with each other and have a good time while doing it.

Don’t you wish that were still the case as an adult?

As a grown up you have become seasoned to the world. You are more aware of what you do and don’t like in people. As adults you tend to be a bit more selective and cautious with people in general.

Are you a shy person or do you like to mingle and get to know people?

From your question, I’m going to guess that maybe you can be a little shy. There is nothing wrong with being shy. What are your interests as an adult? Do you have any children?

Think of the things that you like to do. What are your hobbies and interests outside of work or the home?

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Melissa.

“I have gone through some very hard times in my life recently. Things that made me feel like it was the end of the world. How do you get your old self back?  You know the person that you used to be before things got ugly? I want so badly to put my hurt in the past.”

Life can get uncomfortable sometimes. There are times that it will take you for a spin and always when you aren’t ready for it. If you allow it to then it will take you to a very sad place.

Hard times are inevitable and unfortunately happen to everyone at some point in their life. There isn’t a cure-all remedy either. Depending on your situation will determine your course of action.Think about what started that awful moment or chain of events that gave you the painful time.

Wouldn’t it be nice to rewind time and have a do over?

It would be great to have an opportunity to erase that pain and exchange it for a moment that brought you happiness instead. Here is the thing about hurt you don’t have to hurt forever.

That is the good news. Being human you are expected to go through your emotions. Perhaps it made you angry, sad or brought you to tears. At the time I am sure it did not feel good, but you don’t have to live with it daily.

It is good to confide in a good friend or family member to get someone elses perspective. Maybe you are solely looking for someone to listen to you without judging. If that doesn’t help you consider going to your church or finding a therapist that can help you dig deeper.

Painful moments in life require a lot of tender loving care. Some moments are more painful than others.

Are you feeling guilty about this?

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Yvonne.

“I have been working a 9-5 job for as long as I can remember. The job has been good to me and is fairly easy. My only dilemma is that I feel in my gut that I need to pursue my true passion. I know what I am passionate about. I’d rather not say what it is, but feel I need direction on what I should do. Do I stay with the traditional job that has a retirement plan along with security? Or do I pursue what is in my heart even though it’s out of my safety net?”

Ah! This one hits home for me. A lot of people who venture towards their dream have had these types of questions. Working in a traditional job has many benefits. You get sick time, vacation time, health insurance and a retirement plan usually. Those are not things to take lightly.

Are you happy though in the end?

When it is all said and done do you feel fulfilled at the end of the day?

We all have a purpose or even call it a destiny if you will. It is up to discover what that purpose is. What do you feel that you are being called to do?

Why does it touch your heart the way that it does?

Going after your dream feels a lot like opening a gift. It doesn’t matter if you are young, middle-aged or older. That feeling in the very core of your soul is the real thing.

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Sonia.

“How do I stay motivated and positive going through a life change such as school? As a mom I can get distracted easily.”

Going back to school is a life change in itself. Especially when you are a mother. As a mother you are always trying to stay on top of things. Depending on how busy you are it can be difficult to stay motivated.

How do you recognize what phase you are in during all of this?

In the initial phase the little things become a nuisance. A few things start to bother you here and there. You try to shrug it off and keep on going regardless.

Phase 2 is when you start to second guess yourself. You take on additional tasks because you feel like you can do it all. You still want to be the best mom ever. Right?

Part of you doesn’t want to be perceived as a quitter either. Staying positive during this phase is a little bit more challenging. Although it’s not impossible.

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Kaylee.

“I work a 9-5 job, I am a wife and mother of two boys ages 15 and 17. My job isn’t a tough job, but at the end of the day I find myself feeling tired. I am always running and trying to balance life in general with my family. What can I do to still be that stellar mom and wife, but find something for me at the same time? I want to feel like I can still do all of those things, but be happy doing something for myself that makes me happy too.”

This is a great question and it sounds like you are getting mom burnout. When you work full-time it adds to the daily stress of all of your daily responsibilities. As a mother and a wife you are wearing many hats.

I can relate to what you are experiencing. After I have worked all day I don’t always have the energy to start a meal when I get home. It’s easy to get so caught up in all that you have to do, feel unfulfilled and suffer from mom shame.

Who doesn’t want to be the perfect mother, wife or employee?

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Miranda.

“I consider myself a fairly outgoing person. I enjoy people and working in customer service. Spreading kindness is what I do. Unfortunately, I have an employee in the workplace that is more of a naysayer and loves to spread gossip and negativity. How do you handle someone who tends to suck the life out of your day?

I love this kind of question because it’s a common problem in the workplace. It’s a topic that always comes up no matter where you work at. There is always that one person that tries to steal the joy out of the air.

They are similar to a real life thief. The good news is that they may think they have control over you, but in reality they do not.

Of course it can be hard to handle the initial shock of their behavior. Especially when you end up being on the receiving end. Once in a while you may find out a persons true colors when they gossip to others about other employees.

It’s always a good idea to check your back. On occasion you will find the occasional knife stuck in your there.

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.

“My husband will be leaving soon for a job across the country. This job is a blessing, but my family is taking it hard. My family is really close and are used to spending time together. We have three wonderful kids. Two of them are making the transition from a teen to an adult and our youngest will be a senior soon. All of them have a special bond with their daddy. We’ve downloaded FaceTime apps and scheduled weekend visits. How can I help them and myself with this transition?”

This sounds like something that I can relate to. Before we moved to North Carolina our family went through this very thing. It can be a difficult time especially when you are so used to having your spouse and family together all of the time.

It sounds like you have set up some good ways to get through it. FaceTime and the weekend visits are going to benefit everyone. The main thing is keeping the communication line open.

With FaceTime it will be a way for your family and your spouse to feel connected to each other. Be sure to schedule your own one on one FaceTime with your spouse as well.

When we moved I didn’t have that kind of option, but I wish I would have been able to communicate this way with my spouse and I know our children would have loved that.

You want to remain supportive of your spouse taking this job. Remember that this will be hard on him as well. He has chosen to take a big leap to better himself and your family. It can be a time where there might be feelings of uncertainty.

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In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the questions comes from Sally.

Is it normal not to know if you’re in love or not? I know it’s a silly question when you are older, but after being in love and in a marriage for 20+ years I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever have that “head over heels” feeling again and I may not ever get that back. Shame on me for saying it back and not knowing, but I know it’s just different. I have such a shield now with everyone that I have lost the closeness with my parents and sibling. I keep to myself, but do enjoy time with that special man in my life who has shown me how to laugh again.  I have read that it’s normal to shut people out after a divorce, but does a person ever open back up again? What are your thoughts?”

This is a difficult one to answer because your pain comes across so openly. That is what happens after you had such a long marriage. It is to be expected.

Sure you were so in love with your first marriage, but it doesn’t have to stop there. You are in the healing process after divorce. Each person is different.

There is no magic formula that will tell you when it is okay to fall in love again. The love that you shared with your ex-husband will always be special. You created a strong bond together.

For whatever your reasons were for divorcing it didn’t break that tie completely. You grew together for so many years and I bet some of those were truly wonderful years too.

When you share that kind of time together it won’t be that easy to feel like you can love again. Depending if your divorce was recent or not will also determine how you feel about love. It’s okay to question your feelings.

You may not know if you are in love or not because you are afraid to answer that question. Maybe the new guy in your life is a great companion that enjoys your company, adores you and makes you laugh.

If that was missing in your life before, then it would be easier for you to accept him in your life now.

Do you think you enjoy his attention and the fact that he makes you feel special again?

I can only imagine that it would be flattering to get that kind of attention after a divorce. You deserve to be treated like a queen. It is great that you enjoy each others company.

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