In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Melissa.
“I have gone through some very hard times in my life recently. Things that made me feel like it was the end of the world. How do you get your old self back? You know the person that you used to be before things got ugly? I want so badly to put my hurt in the past.”
Life can get uncomfortable sometimes. There are times that it will take you for a spin and always when you aren’t ready for it. If you allow it to then it will take you to a very sad place.
Hard times are inevitable and unfortunately happen to everyone at some point in their life. There isn’t a cure-all remedy either. Depending on your situation will determine your course of action.Think about what started that awful moment or chain of events that gave you the painful time.
Wouldn’t it be nice to rewind time and have a do over?
It would be great to have an opportunity to erase that pain and exchange it for a moment that brought you happiness instead. Here is the thing about hurt you don’t have to hurt forever.
That is the good news. Being human you are expected to go through your emotions. Perhaps it made you angry, sad or brought you to tears. At the time I am sure it did not feel good, but you don’t have to live with it daily.
It is good to confide in a good friend or family member to get someone elses perspective. Maybe you are solely looking for someone to listen to you without judging. If that doesn’t help you consider going to your church or finding a therapist that can help you dig deeper.
Painful moments in life require a lot of tender loving care. Some moments are more painful than others.
Are you feeling guilty about this?
Try to learn to let it go. Hanging on to past hurts where they consume your every waking moment will keep you in misery for a long time. I’m not saying that you should forget the pain, but instead try to learn from it.
Even the most painful things can teach you something. It sounds unlikely, but they do. One thing I have learned about pain or hurt is that those things don’t dictate my daily living. The only way that it happens is if I give my consent.
Take baby steps on your path to getting your old self back. If you were happier with the way that you used to be then make strides to get that part of you back. Start planning more time doing things with a loved one.
I’m a big believer in writing in a journal or a notebook. Get your feelings out on paper. It can be very therapeutic.
Start a gratitude journal to get your focus back on the things that are positive. It is so easy to get in the cycle of complaining of all of the bad things. When you start noticing more of the positive things that are happening you will change your outlook on your life.
Life can be beautiful again if you give yourself permission to get your life back. Living in a past moment that was negative will keep you miserable for a long time. Remember that you are worth getting back. Yes, you.
Have you ever looked in the mirror and told yourself that you are worth it?
Anyone can look in a mirror and say that, but have you said it and meant it? That is the game changing moment when you do. The moment that you realize what you have been missing by not taking a step forward.
Getting your old self back isn’t easy because of the things that you still hang on to. Release your hold on them. It can be scary because sometimes there is uncertainty. You encounter self-doubt on whether or not you are strong enough.
You are strong enough to start living a life of purpose, of meaning and of happier moments. It is up to you to try to start believing that you can.
End of the world moments are temporary. They can set you back, but they are never permanent. What is it that you want most out of your experience?
There are some learning opportunities with your situation. Look for them and let those things be the catalyst to propel you towards the awesome things that you deserve. There is always a brighter side and a happy ending when you decide to let it go.
Along with that comes peace of mind, body and spirit. The very thing that makes you want to smile again. Write down your painful moment then wad up your paper and throw it away for good.
Go find that full length mirror and tell yourself that you are ready. That you have waited long enough. Shed the old layer and unveil the new you. Step towards the you that you have been hiding and the one that has been yearning to be set free.
Have you been pondering over a question that you aren’t sure about? Need advice on it? Submissions may be edited for clarity and your first name will be used unless you specify otherwise. If you would like to have your question featured on an upcoming “Ask Lucy” segment please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org