In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the questions comes from Sally.
Is it normal not to know if you’re in love or not? I know it’s a silly question when you are older, but after being in love and in a marriage for 20+ years I’m not sure how I feel anymore. I don’t think I’ll ever have that “head over heels” feeling again and I may not ever get that back. Shame on me for saying it back and not knowing, but I know it’s just different. I have such a shield now with everyone that I have lost the closeness with my parents and sibling. I keep to myself, but do enjoy time with that special man in my life who has shown me how to laugh again. I have read that it’s normal to shut people out after a divorce, but does a person ever open back up again? What are your thoughts?”
This is a difficult one to answer because your pain comes across so openly. That is what happens after you had such a long marriage. It is to be expected.
Sure you were so in love with your first marriage, but it doesn’t have to stop there. You are in the healing process after divorce. Each person is different.
There is no magic formula that will tell you when it is okay to fall in love again. The love that you shared with your ex-husband will always be special. You created a strong bond together.
For whatever your reasons were for divorcing it didn’t break that tie completely. You grew together for so many years and I bet some of those were truly wonderful years too.
When you share that kind of time together it won’t be that easy to feel like you can love again. Depending if your divorce was recent or not will also determine how you feel about love. It’s okay to question your feelings.
You may not know if you are in love or not because you are afraid to answer that question. Maybe the new guy in your life is a great companion that enjoys your company, adores you and makes you laugh.
If that was missing in your life before, then it would be easier for you to accept him in your life now.
Do you think you enjoy his attention and the fact that he makes you feel special again?
I can only imagine that it would be flattering to get that kind of attention after a divorce. You deserve to be treated like a queen. It is great that you enjoy each others company.
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Nancy.
“My husband left a really good job a couple of years ago to pursue another career. He hasn’t found that new career yet. I’ve been extremely supportive with him going back to school or trying different jobs. As long as he is happy is all that matters. Unfortunately, our bank account and bills do not share the same sentiment. How do I keep supporting his happiness with our financial challenges?”
That is a tough predicament to be in. One part of you wants to be the supportive spouse and the other part resents that you have to put up with most of the financial burden. It is okay to feel those type of emotions.
How much longer do you want to ride it out though?
Maybe now is the time to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse. Let him know that although you initially gave your support that now it is more of a burden on you.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t want him to find his dream career, but now it’s his turn to step up to the plate. Going after a dream career takes time. You both owe it to yourselves to find a way to compromise.
What about your dreams?
Did you know that your child has dreams too?
If you are a parent then you understand the importance of that. Often I hear of parents that have regrets that they did not pursue their own dreams. They share how they want their children to pursue their dreams so that there are no regrets later.
For the parents that made that sacrifice I think that some of them get to live their dreams through their children. That is why some parents push their children toward that reward.
Then you have the parents that have succeeded and simply want to ensure that their children try also.
As a parent myself that is what my hope and wishes are for our boys. I want them to pursue their passion too. By having a strong faith and belief in what they are capable of doing.
What I have learned is that it is important for them to see me pursue my dreams. In this way it helps to inspire them too. I try to be the role model to show them that I believe in myself.
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Amy.
“What would you say to a young mother in making the decision between staying at home with her child or pursuing her ambitions? On one hand, I feel as though they are only young once and this is a once in a lifetime chance to capture the moment. On the other hand, this is such a short time that goes by so quickly; but perhaps teaching them how to pursue their own dreams is a reward in itself?”
Oh I love this question! It is so easy to be torn with this. Our boys are older now. High school and college so it does make me reflect on my own experiences.
I would tell you to go for it! Children are only young once and this is true. It’s a fact, but going after your dream is equally important. It doesn’t make you a bad mother for pursuing what you love.
I have often reflected on what it would have been like to pursue my passion as a writer years ago. I mean fully followed my gut without fear. I don’t regret the days of my work experiences or the times I was a stay home mom.
Have you ever had a dream or huge goal that scared you?
A dream worth chasing, but that looked absolutely intimidating. Enough that you’d rather hide underneath a rock instead of going for it. If you answered yes then you are not alone.
In the first phase of starting your dream you experience a high amount of energy initially. You feel like it’s too good to be true. You are on cloud nine all the way.
Is this too good to be true?
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Vanessa.
“What would cause a person to want to have a friendship with the opposite sex and is a friendship really what they are looking for?”
Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. We all have them. There are some friendships that stem from childhood that we hold on to for dear life.
Most are with the same-sex and every so often some great friendships might be with the opposite sex. For myself mine have always been with my girlfriends.
Not all friendships with the opposite sex mean that it is something to be worried about. However, if you are married or in a committed relationship then it’s important to be respectful of your spouses feelings.
It doesn’t have anything to do with insecurities. I’ll use myself as an example. Here is my take on it.
I would not like my husband to have a close relationship with another female. I’m fairly certain he would feel the same way about me. It is about giving that kind of attention to each other not to someone else.
Ever take a minute to hear your own inner voice?
It’s similar to that one that you heard when you were a child. Sound familiar? You hear it from time to time if you pause long enough to listen. Your calling takes up residence inside of you.
It isn’t always easy to recognize either. That kid in you never leaves. You carry that inner child for life.
It is also the one that allowed you to imagine what you could be some day. That impossible dream that always seemed so far out of reach.
Do you remember yearning for it?
Now you’re older and have acquired more wisdom. Yet you are still on the edge of the pier with your toes dabbling in the water right? It is such a comfortable place to be in.
No worries here, nothing to be afraid of either. If you only put your toes in you don’t have to work hard. You get to continue to dream and imagine all of the “what if’s.”
Let’s not forget taking risks. Sitting on the edge of that beautiful pier overlooking the water is the safe zone. By staying here you partner up with procrastination.
So how do you get in tune with your calling?
In this weeks Ask Lucy segment the question comes from Sonia.
How do you handle a breaking relationship? I have had someone be a part of my life since before I can remember. This person has been like a sister to me who has stood by me through the good times and the bad. Life has taken us in different directions on the globe, but I still try to keep a strong bond through social media or by calling her. This “friend” no longer calls, texts or responds through social media posts, but has time for everyone else. We had a heart to heart because I needed her and was left to deal with a life changing event alone. I tried to look past this, but see no change on her end. Should I call a spade a spade and walk away with my memories or continue to be that friend who will have her back no matter what?
This is a problem that comes up every now and then for reasons we don’t always understand. Time has a way of dividing the best of friendships. In this case it sounds like there is something beneath the surface.
When did you first notice that your friendship was taking a turn?
Throughout friendships there are other circumstances that come up that may not have anything to do with the friendship itself. If one friend is having a difficult time in their life they may hold back.
Another reason is what is otherwise known as the green-eyed monster: jealousy. It can be an ugly thing that causes havoc along the way. Friends can become jealous when they are going through a sad time in their life.
Your friend may feel like she should be getting the great things that you might be getting. This leads to resentment and may cause her to shut down. Finding out why she has changed her behavior towards you is the first thing to do.
Have you asked her if you have done something to offend her?
How do you squeeze in fitness when you have a busy life?
You know the drill you jump on the hamster wheel day in and day out. When could you possibly find room for fitness? If you are like some people by the end of the day all that you want to do is relax.
You have to decide if you will make time to get fit. Look for a time that you can work out whether it is in the morning or in the evening.
Determine if you are an early riser or if you would rather work out in the evenings. Personally I have always been a gal that prefers evening workouts. However, I started incorporating an early routine.
I have to admit it was tough to get up earlier than usual. I did it because I have always read it is important to have a morning routine. If that is the way successful people do it then I’m in.
Keep in mind to each their own. It’s whatever works out for you. Having a morning routine whether it is fitness, reading, meditating or whatever you choose to do regularly does increase your success level.
It adds to becoming disciplined daily. I know it has worked for me when I can wake up on my own without the alarm going off first. You are resetting your internal clock by the good habits that you implement.
Fitness doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s really a matter of choosing to incorporate it into your life. There are so many choices out there when you are ready to get fit.
Are you a person that likes to work out solo or do you need the social piece of a gym?